A transcript of Jennifer Garner's appearance on
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on October 12th, 2001

Transcribed by Bethany, Webmistress of Alias-Online.com

JAY LENO: My next guest has a - has appeared in such academy award-winning films as Dude, Where's My Car? - no, no I'm teasing - and Pearl Harbor.

(Audience laughter.)

JAY LENO: Currently starring in Alias, the number one new drama on TV this season. Please wel - wel - oh, and it airs on Sundays on ABC - please welcome the lovely Jennifer Garner!

(Music starts playing. The audience cheers and applauds as Jennifer walks out and joins Jay on stage. Jennifer and Jay shake hands.)

JAY LENO: Hi, Jennifer, how are ya'? Good to see ya'!


(Jay steps behind his desk.)

JAY LENO: This is Jimmy.

(Jennifer greets Jay's other guest, James Woods. They shake hands and kiss each other on the cheek. They speak briefly with each other, but it's incomprehensible. Everybody sits down.)

JAY LENO: Welcome! Thanks for comin'! You look lovely!

JENNIFER GARNER: Thank you for having me!

JAY LENO: You have kind of a flag motif?

JENNIFER GARNER: Yeah, thanks man!

JAY LENO: Very stylish.


(Jennifer smiles back and forth at the audience and Jay.)

JAY LENO: Well, you look great. (a beat) Are you a very stylish - you are a very stylish person.

(Jennifer looks down at what she's wearing. She's wearing a black sleeveless top, black slacks, and black-strapped heels.)

JENNIFER GARNER: I don't know - does this match? I don't know.

JAY LENO: I think it matches.


JAY LENO: It's black. Yeah.

JENNIFER GARNER: Actually, I'm not really a clothes kinda girl.

JAY LENO: That sounds great!


(Laughter all-around.)

JENNIFER GARNER: No, if - if I really - if I had my way I'd be sitting here, we'd all be in Nikes, we'd be in, you know, t-shirts, somethin' more comfortable.

JAY LENO: No, see now, that's great. Now so you don't spend a lot of money on clothes?

JENNIFER GARNER: No, I mean, I spend a lot of money on clothes.


JENNIFER GARNER: I just don't pick 'em out.

JAY LENO: Oh. Oh you don't -

JENNIFER GARNER: I just kinda stand there and go like this -

(Jennifer extends her arms.)

JENNIFER GARNER: And somebody dresses me and shoves me out.

JAY LENO: Is that what it is? Now do you go -

JENNIFER GARNER: It's not my thing.

JAY LENO: Do you buy off the mannequin? Do you go "I want -"

(Jay points his finger off-stage.)

JAY LENO: Well, see, you look like the mannequin, though. You cute. You do.


JAY LENO: No, but see, they always have the guy and then I put it on, and I'm goin' -

(Jay tugs on his jacket.)

JAY LENO: It won't button.

(Jennifer laughs.)

JENNIFER GARNER: You always look dapper, Jay.

JAY LENO: Yeah, that's me.


JAY LENO: Dapper, yeah.

(Audience laughter.)

JAY LENO: But, see, I read something in your bio that said you worked in a clothing store. That's why I figured you'd have a clothing sense.

JENNIFER GARNER: Oh, that's tragic. I really wish you hadn't brought it up, actually.

JAY LENO: Oh. Oh, really?

(Jennifer laughs.)

JENNIFER GARNER: I worked in a store, um, in Charleston, West Virginia called Kelly's Man Shop -

(Jennifer shakes her head at the memory.)

JENNIFER GARNER: And you could always tell the men that I dressed. Walking through the streets, they'd be in, you know, aqua shorts and a pink plaid shirt. I mean, just horrible, horrible.

(James chuckles.)

JENNIFER GARNER: I mean, you could - you could spot 'em a mile away, and actually one Sun - one Sunday I was sitting in church with my mom. And my mom is not a clothing stud, I mean -

JAY LENO: Right.

JENNIFER GARNER: She kinda taught us, you have three outfits and you rotate them, you know.

JAY LENO: Oh, really?

JENNIFER GARNER: Yeah, I mean, that works. And it worked in West Virginia; it's not a problem but anyway -

(Laughter all-around.)

JENNIFER GARNER: We were sitting in church and she said, "Oh, Jennifer. Oh, look over there. Bless his heart, Mr. Mallory. Who dressed him?" And I looked, and he was wearing a plaid shirt and a - and a striped tie and the colors matched and I said, "Well, I did. I sold him that stuff." She said, "Oh, honey, we gotta find you another line of work. I mean, this is bad."

JAY LENO: And they did.


JAY LENO: No, but see, you don't have much of an accent, though. I mean, I don't hear -

JENNIFER GARNER: No, actually, when I went to college I worked really hard to lose it -


JENNIFER GARNER: 'Cause I knew I wanted to be an actor -


JENNIFER GARNER: And you can't really (speaks in southern accent) do Shakespeare like this. (speaks normally) But, uh -

(Laughter all-around.)

JENNIFER GARNER: There are some things that are - that are definitely hard to get rid of. And if I get nervous, or if I have a little bit o' wine -

JAY LENO: A little bit o' wine?


(Jennifer and Audience laughter.)

JENNIFER GARNER: It starts to come out.

JAY LENO: Now, do you have this - See, I - I - I like the southern language. I find it very lyrical.

JENNIFER GARNER: Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it?

JAY LENO: But people always think -


JAY LENO: But - but it is, in Faulkner, and -

JENNIFER GARNER: It's so - it's so comforting. It's just like a hug.



JAY LENO: Just like a hug.

JENNIFER GARNER: Just like a hug.

JAY LENO: You have southern phrases that they use in your house?

JENNIFER GARNER: Oh, yeah, yeah I still - I say southern phrases all the time. You can't help it. You know, what you grow up with is what you use.

JAY LENO: Right.

JENNIFER GARNER: So, if I'm at home and I - I - if I were drawing something my mom would say, "Oh, honey, that is just crooked as a dog's hind leg." You know -

JAY LENO: Crooked as a dog's -

JENNIFER GARNER: Crooked as a dog's hind leg. Yep.

JAY LENO: Dog's hind leg.

JENNIFER GARNER: Or, if you really liked someone you would just say "Jay, I just think you are the bee9s knees."

JAY LENO: Oh, bee's - Now, bee's knees I know.

JENNIFER GARNER: Bee's knees, right. You know bee9s knees, right?

JAY LENO: My favorite was - I knew a - a - an older southern lady. She was like 70. And she would go, "It's as quiet as a mouse peein' on cotton."

(Jennifer laughs.)

JENNIFER GARNER: That's a good one.

(Audience laughter.)

JAY LENO: That was my favorite. I like that one. It's like, "mouse peein' on cotton," I mean, I'm just tryin' to imagine cotton and a mouse and then, you know, I can't hear anything.

JENNIFER GARNER: But in West Virginia -

(Jennifer and Audience laughter.)

JENNIFER GARNER: In West Virginia you also have "the crickers" and "the hollers."

JAY LENO: Oh, okay.

JENNIFER GARNER: And so that's a whole other ball o' wax.

JAY LENO: Right. Now, what is it? What is it? The what? The holler -

JENNIFER GARNER: The crickers live in the hollers.

JAY LENO: Of course.



(Jennifer illustrates with her hands.)

JENNIFER GARNER: And they are - the hollers are the hollows, actually, where the, you know, there tons - it's just all mountains.

JAY LENO: Right.

(Jennifer illustrates with her hands.)

JENNIFER GARNER: Mountains, mountains, mountains. And where the mountains meet there are tiny little valleys all over the place.

JAY LENO: Right.

(Jennifer illustrates with her hands.)

JENNIFER GARNER: And those are the hollers. And they usually have a crick - a creek -

JAY LENO: A creek. Okay.

(Jennifer illustrates with her hands.)

JENNIFER GARNER: Running through. And the crickers are the people that live right on the creek in the holler.

JAY LENO: Now what would Dolly Parton be? Isn't she like a -

JENNIFER GARNER: She might be a cricker.

JAY LENO: Creeky holler, or something?


JAY LENO: Yeah, okay, okay.

JENNIFER GARNER: She's probably a cricker, yeah.

JAY LENO: Now, here's - here's the other thing about you. Someone said that, uh, you were related to James Garner. Is he your relative? (Jay's microphone makes a noise and distorts what he's saying. Then...) Are you related to him?

JENNIFER GARNER: No, no. Um, I wish I were.

JAY LENO: Right.

JENNIFER GARNER: It would've been so much easier -


JENNIFER GARNER: Starting out in this business. But no. Um, I did, however, I probably started this lie in junior high and it's still going.

JAY LENO: The sign of a true actress.

(Laughter all-around.)

JENNIFER GARNER: I was in the marching band at The John Addams Junior High School, you know -

JAY LENO: Oh, sure.

JENNIFER GARNER: E-flat Alto Saxophone.

(Jennifer and James share a little dialogue, but it doesn't come through in the microphone.)

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): I'm gonna take it up now that I know you.

(Jennifer laughs.)

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): We can play together sometime.

JENNIFER GARNER (to James): Sure.

JAMES WOODS: And wear those plaid shorts.

(Laughter all-around. The audience cheers and applauds.)

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): I'll do - I'll do anything you want me to do. Anything.

JENNIFER GARNER (to James): Really.

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): Yeah, I will. I'll go. I'll be a cricker and a holler. I'll do anything.

(Laughter all-around.)

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): Um, I'll do anything.

(James re-situates his tie.)

JAY LENO: Just, uh, just keep it in the holler, okay?

JAMES WOODS: Yeah, yeah. I will.


JAY LENO (to Jennifer): Okay, go ahead.

JENNIFER GARNER: But, uh, the tuba player, John Lawson -

JAY LENO: Mmm-hmm.

JENNIFER GARNER: Was obsessed with Rockford Files and he would constantly say, you know, "Is - is - is - are you related to James Garner?" And I said, "Oh, yeah, my Uncle Jimmy, oh sure." And so he would say, "Is he comin' for Christmas? Is your Uncle Jimmy comin' for Thanksgiving?" And I would say, uh, "He'll come for high school graduation." And then six years later, graduation night, poor John Lawson, the tuba player, standing there with his autograph book and a camera and he is ready for Uncle Jimmy. And I have - I have an Uncle Jimmy but he's a farmer in Oklahoma.

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): You got a new Uncle Jimmy, okay? I'm signin' up, I'm signin' up. I'm signin' up.

(Jennifer and Audience laughter.)

JENNIFER GARNER (to James): You are bad!

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): I - I am bad. I am bad. It's true.

JAY LENO (to Jennifer): You know something? I bet you could get him to betray the FBI.


(The audience cheers and applauds.)

JAY LENO (to Jennifer): Let me ask you this. Let me ask - now tell us about - tell us about Alias.

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): You know something? Since I met you, I might change my last name to "Bin Laden" and my first name to "I haven't," okay, because, uh -

(Jennifer looks embarrassed. The audience laughs.)

JAY LENO (to James): Would you stop with that?!

JAMES WOODS (to the audience): Thank you.


JAMES WOODS (to Jay): What?

JENNIFER GARNER: I'm a married woman!

JAY LENO (to James): What's the matter with you? She's a married woman!

JAMES WOODS: I know. That - that's okay. I'm harmless. Come on.

JENNIFER GARNER (to James): Yeah.

JAMES WOODS (to Jennifer): Yeah.

JENNIFER GARNER (to James): Yeah. You're harmless.

JAMES WOODS: We're the bee9s knees; nothin' wrong with that. Yeah, that's alright.

JAY LENO: Now tell us - now, now, now tell - I can't get anything out - tell me, now Alias it's number one, it's doing very well.

JENNIFER GARNER: Is it really?

JAY LENO: Yeah. Number one new -

JENNIFER GARNER: Hot dogs, that is great!

JAY LENO: It's the number one new drama on Sundays on ABC. Whatever it is; whatever it is.

JENNIFER GARNER: Well, that is great! Thank you!

JAY LENO: Well, you've got wonderful reviews. Is it fun?

JENNIFER GARNER: Oh! It's the most outlandish best job I've ever had.

JAY LENO: Tell me what it's about. You are like a CIA operative or something?

JENNIFER GARNER: Well, I'm a spy. I'm a double-agent for the -

JAY LENO: Right.

JENNIFER GARNER: I work for the - the bad guys, SD-6, and I'm a double-agent for the CIA. (Jennifer illustrates with her hands. Jay mimics her.) Kind of giving them information about what SD-6 is doing. (Jennifer and Jay stop the illustrations.) But it takes me - every episode takes me on - on different missions -

JAY LENO: Right.

JENNIFER GARNER: Which take me to different countries, so every week I learn different languages. I have different fights. It's kinda crazy.

JAY LENO: Well - well, then, well congratulations on your success.

JENNIFER GARNER: Thank you so much.

JAY LENO: Congratu - Please come back. See us again.

(Jennifer and Jay shake hands.)

JAY LENO: Jennifer Garner. Be right back with Ozzy Osborne right after this.

(James and Jennifer kiss each other on the cheek. Jay smiles.)